Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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