i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
