Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
