exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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