Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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