What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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