my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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