Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
