I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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