hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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