I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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