you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
