So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
