got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
