so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
