You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
