Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
