I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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