i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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