I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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