just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
