when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
