i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
