call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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