I can text with my tongue
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
