There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize