In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
