He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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