my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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