I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
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