you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
