Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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