roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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