Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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