Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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