That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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