we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
