I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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