my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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