I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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