ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
