I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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