Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
