Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
