we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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