remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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