Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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