i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
birth control should be required to get into college
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
