I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
