Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
