Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
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Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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