OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
