There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
