And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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