I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
