period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
