I wish I only lived at night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
