you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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