He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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