apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
