3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
