I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
