dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
